I am just a dog with a coat that stays on all year long, but even I know that it is too cold to be October. When the temperatures are dropping, the house is cold, and everyone is freezing, something must be done post haste!
The artist gave me a lesson in home improvement skills.
First, make note of where the cold air is coming from. In this instance the front door seems to be the culprit and temperatures are dropping. Quick, think of something to block the cold air from coming in around the door!
I know. An old, non-working electric blanket that is currently on the bed upstairs. Climb the stairs, unmake the bed, find the blanket. Oh yes, the tools are upstairs too. Pick up electric drill and screw driver to take downstairs with the blanket. Good thinking.
Second, what to hang the blanket on? Hmmm. There is a cafe curtain rod in the bathroom waiting to be used on the bathroom window. That will do as a temporary fix. Go to the bathroom, find the curtain rod, return to front door.
Open package, throw out directions, find brackets and screws. Look for something sturdy to stand on. Move chair to door, climb on chair with brackets in hand. Oh, a pilot hole needs to be made for the screws.
Climb down from chair, look for drill bits, go back upstairs and find drill bits in tool bag. Go downstairs, climb on chair with drill bits, drill, brackets, and screws. Hold screws in mouth, brackets in bra and drill in hand. Eye-ball location for bracket. Take one bracket out of bra, hold up to location and mark spot with end of drill bit. Put bracket back in bra.
Drill hole. Only the drill doesn't want to work. Oh, it isn't plugged in. Climb down from chair, plug in drill, climb back up on chair. Drill hole. Take bracket out of bra and hold in place. Take screw out of mouth and place in hole. No screwdriver. Put screw back in mouth, bracket back in bra and climb down from chair. Get screwdriver, climb up on chair, take bracket out of bra, take screw out of mouth, hold in place, begin screwing with screwdriver, drop screw.
Put bracket in bra, climb off chair, get on hands and knees to find screw. Climb back on chair, take bracket out of bra, take screw out of mouth, screw in place with screw driver.
Climb down from chair, move chair to other side of door, climb back up on chair, eye-ball location for second bracket, take bracket out of bra, take drill.....no drill, it is on the floor. Put bracket back in bra, climb off chair, get drill, climb back on chair, take bracket out of bra, mark holes with end of drill bit, put bracket back in bra, drill hole. No? The cord won't reach. Put bracket back in bra, climb off chair, move drill plug to closer outlet, climb back on chair.
Take bracket out of bra, drop bracket on the floor. Climb off the f****** chair, get the d*** bracket, climb back up on the f****** chair and put the d*** bracket in place. Take screw out of mouth, screw on............ d***, the f****** screwdriver is on the floor by the outlet. Put the screw BACK in mouth, put bracket BACK in bra, c-l-i-m-b down from the chair, get the stupid screwdriver, c-l-i-m-b back up on the stupid chair, that the stupid bracket out of the stupid bra, take the stupid screw out of mouth, screw the stupid screw into the stupid hole so the stupid bracket is in place!
CLIMB down from the chair, thread the old non-working electric blanket onto the curtain rod, CLIMB BACK UP ON THE CHAIR, and hang the d*** thing, climb down from the chair and admire.........
Oh d***!! The curtain rod, meant for something very light weight, is sagging and will not hold the weight of the old non-working electric blanket. SIGH!
CLIMB the stairs, rootle through tool box, find some paneling nails and the hammer, go back down stairs, climb back up on the chair, POUND three nails in along the top of the door frame, support sagging curtain rod on the nails, climb down from chair, admire handiwork. Gee, I wonder why I am sweating?
Love,
Buddy
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